Before we get into this I want to tell you to download my free course How to Build Chemistry
In this free 12 video series, I go into far more detail about how to use conversation starters on a first date to build connection and chemistry…
So, you’ve just sat down with the most gorgeous person you’ve laid eyes on. They have the same sense of humour as you, they look amazing and – oh my god is that a signature scent? Needless to say, you are so into it. Then the first five minutes go by. Then ten. Suddenly, you remember. Oh, God. I have to talk.
It is a plight that affects many, realising way too late that you don’t really know what to say. You could talk about the weather, or ask what their favourite flavour of ice cream is, but at the end of the day, there’s only so many questions you can ask before you get tired of trying to start a real conversation. I get it. And I also get the fear that, if you push too deep, you might freak your date out and scare them off before you CAN ask them the easy questions. I hear your cries, and so I’ve compiled the ultimate list of conversation tips to save you from small talk.
The first Conversation Starter is easy.
Talk About Where You’re From
Nothing gets people more excited than shared experiences. If you two grew up in the same city, went to the same school or even live in the same country, talking about the similarities and differences between your past and present is such a good jumping-off point. Being genuinely interested in the stories they tell about themselves and where they come from and being able to relate is such a good bonding experience for the two of you, and the relevance it has with their past means that usually, you end up talking about all kinds of things about yourselves. Maybe you said you were from Sydney at the beginning, but now, he knows you had a Poodle named Jerry and you know he was the middle child of five kids.
Talk About Your Hobbies
There are very few things sweeter than watching someone get really excited about something. And no easier way to unlock the smiles and childlike joy in someone than to ask them what they do for fun, and what you do for fun. It also serves as a way to connect to one another. You may end up liking totally different things, but the chance is that you’ll go, “wow, that’s really interesting. Maybe I’ll go with you!” to at least one of the hobbies your date presents. They also get to know you in this conversation. What kind of person you are and what makes you tick.
Be an Attentive Listener
A conversation is a two-way street! So many first date issues come up when the other person Won’t. Stop. Talking. Let your date have a go, and be an active listener. Ask questions and at least act interested in what they’re talking about. This will make them feel heard and will show that you have the ability to put your feelings and interests aside for their excitement and joy. This is such an attractive trait, because it means that they will always feel listened to, which means less of those fights where you just don’t understand why they’re so mad. Of course you can get excited about the things you love, but be sure to include them in your world and listen just as much as you talk.
Talk About Your Ambitions
Nothing tells you more about a person than how they address their dreams. If you talk about your dream job, house or life as a far away fantasy, you’re telling the other person that you’re not willing to step up and plan to achieve your ideas. This mindset is so unattractive. People want someone who’s willing to make active change within their life and they want someone whose trajectory lines up or at least compromises with their own. A lot of people can be removed in the early stages simply by asking them what they want to do with their life. Like it or not, the 37 year old DJ who’s totally hot but “just isn’t ready for commitment” probably won’t settle down in Lake Capo with you and six kids.
Remember, You Can Always Leave
Your time is valuable. And so is theirs. If there is just no spark or interest between the two of you, it’s better to cut it off quickly while the conversation is still relatively pleasant than drag it on for hours and hours, desperately trying to find something between you two. Sometimes, things just don’t work out, and that’s okay. There will be a person for you, but if the guy talking about trout-fishing while eating with his knife and fork in the wrong hands isn’t your Prince Charming? A simple “this was really lovely and I enjoyed meeting you. Unfortunately I have some prior engagements. See ya!” never fails.
Talking should be something that eventually becomes natural between you and your date, but in the beginning, it can feel awkward or uncomfortable trying to think of something to talk about. Using my tips and tricks, you can help your conversation not only flow, but mean something to the other person and give you an insight into who they are and if you two are truly meant for eachother.
To find out how you can use questions to build chemistry on a first date, try my free Chemistry Builder Course here https://trudygilbert.com/chemistry-course/